FIM Series 1

FIM 01:

Scene: NESCAFE Area

The 'Dainik Jargon' group is walking down to their regular cuppa jaunt. Bhargav, Harsha and me grab their regular choco/coffee water only to find Su and ISD staring at a freshly setup outlet 

(u cud smell the paint but not their supposed snacks). An inspired Su takes charge:

Su: Chal Indira I'm having a Jalmudi, what abt u?

ISD: ok...I'll also have the same

Yours truly (astonished and chuckling): Nice...u both are the first customers at this outlet in the last 4 days since its been setup.

A round of sarcastic laughter follows. What also followed was a lady hiding her face and stealthily escaping from right behind us. She happened to be the co-owner of the outlet.

Impact:

The outlet was not to be seen for the next 3 days. It has now been shifted to another closeby location. 

I sympathize, she probably was excited by the 'crowd' at the store, till ofcourse the golden words struck like a bolt-from-the-blue. 

FIM 02:

Scene: Outside NMIMS library, 10:30 pm

The 'Dainik Jargon' group is ready to leave after a start-to-finish job on the Mkting ppt. Yours truly is ahead of the pack, looking to take a quick exit from the eerie library (Cmon..it was almost empty at tht hour tht day, pitch dark outside).

Enter a familiar looking human-trying-to-look-like-alien fancy dress competition aspirant. What else wud u call a t-shirt covered by an open buttoned full-sleeve shirt covered by an open-buttoned thick filmy leather jacket wid gell-strightened hair. Lets call him GS alien. This alien was not walking, he was storming into the library with a newly copied, irritating swagger (that cud be termed at best as funny depending on ur state of mind). 

After he races by, yours truly looks at the person behind and chuckles. The person behind happens to be Harsha. 

Harsha: (smiles and asks): kya hua?

Yours truly (shocked at how on earth cud sumone not see such a wierdo pass by): Abey dekha nahi...entry kaun mara andar abhi?

Harsha (Another funny face indicating he didnt...I cudnt believe this...which world was he lost in at 10:30 pm to miss it?): Kaun?

Yours Truly: Abey apna Shahrukh...

Still doesnt get the drift...

Yours Truly (Frustrated by now) : (aloud) GS...(followed by another chuckle)

The entire pack now turns towards the main exit door, only to see a stunned stoned bespectacled...(lets call him Center Shock Hair (CSH))

CSH looks wide-eyed at me, but is given a royale ignore as I walked past him (was stumped at such an out-of-the-blue bemused face). He looks at the first person available to entertain him (Roopam it was I think).

CSH (dazed open-mouthed wonder): GS? u'll are talking abt GS?

This was when the Eureka FIM moment struck as I neared the exit door. Everyone burst out mockingly and look to make a quick exit. The laughter is unstoppable.

Impact: 

I still cant figure out the bemused look on CSH. It seemed to me like a truly 'Eureka Eureka' moment. Almost as if 'Finally' someone recognizes the 'different' swagger and unusual outfits. Finally someone calls my dear friend something worthy...'Shahrukh'. Wow, swagger mission accomplished. 

(though I'm glad I dint supplement it with a few more choice adjectives)

FIM 03: 

(Due permissions taken before publishing, toned down drastically in view of the affirmative steps taken by the victim)

Scene: Room No 26

Praneeth (responding to the pile of 'chhaaping' assignments):  I wont mind a girlfriend who is atleast regular wid these assignments, atleast I'll have a ready source and dont have to hunt around like this.

Bhargav (lost in the assignment): Dude, u shd then get the topper in the class.

Impact: 

Praneeth is stunned and moves away from Bhargav. Bhargav has the Rego-600/60 look and doesnt know where to hide his mouth.

Let the series continue...

Pearls Galore - Feb 28

Back to business, following are some of the gospel utterings on Feb 28:

Harsha Gem 10:49 am: 

Ideas are meant to be given, not to be accepted.

Not Anonymous 11:02 am: 

Fan creates further distortion of voice quality (yeah...Lata Mangeshkar with a screechy voice)

YS... first contribution: 01:11 pm

The Great: Should a bank cashier be ethical always?

YS: Yess sir, like that every cashier will be a Croropathi if he does not follow Ethics. (Note: CFA L1 has Ethics paper, for the uninitiated)

Harsha Extempore 2:58 pm:

1) The term IAS conjures up different meanings in different minds

2) I get a very hallowed feeling...(dont know why)

3) India has spawned movies like Rang De Basanti once in a while...

4) Gem: As per the Akshaypatra school of thought, ....

5) Booms and busts come and go...

Vision Statement (No pun..so obviously not intended)

Jai Ho!

As part of my debut post (tried finding an auspicious coconut but cudnt get one on an especially lazy Sunday), I'd like to commend my excitable partners-in-crime (present and wannabes) for their enthusiasm in churning out the now notorious Gems Factory. The sheer quantum of gems discovered in our unsuspecting daily interactions is indeed commendable. This has inspired our first-ever Charter of Goals as under:

1) To unearth hidden jewels flowing out from whichever tap (I mean mouth).

2) To regularly contribute to this pearls database (each pearl is invaluable, it MUST be stamped with its date and time of origin).

3) To consolidate all the pearls of wisdom ORDER BY author,date.  (This annual exercise should happen on the third Sunday of June. Naturally it is outsourced to either Indira-1 or Indira-2 (ideally both). However if any party feels let down and aspires for an exclusive contract, a Sholay coin toss will be used. Decision of the esteemed Committee members in this regard will be final and binding).

As u see this is serious business. Recruitment is very stringent and any wannabe to this group must demonstrate his flair and potential. He/she must also have sufficient knowledge about the group's limited players along with their signature gems. Candidates will be screened by a small objective match-the-following 'aptitude test' followed by a rigorous jargon interview.

If u observe, the slightly demeaning term 'jargon' has been consciously avoided so far. Jargon remains a jargon as long as it is between 'unlike' minds. Aspiring like-minded Gem-hunters must relate and 'unlock the value' to uncover seemingly apparent jargons as hidden gems. However if even after intense scrutiny a saying has no merit, it will be demoted to the tag of jargon and be filed separately. Consolidators kindly note this.

A gem that just struck:

Rahman Oscar Winning Speech: "All my life I had a choice, between love and hate. I chose love and I'm here"

Dainik Jargon Oscar Speech: Replace love and hate with appropriate words.

Now for our new anthem, till we find a worthy alternative. This version is NOT an original but has been 'unlocked' from the internet reservoir. 

"...a verbal sleight of hand that gives an air of novelty and specious profundity to ideas that, if stated directly, would seem superficial, stale, frivolous, or false." - David Lehman

lol...how very true.

Gems of 27 Feb

Note: The following 'gems' were picked up from Indira's comments directly and the author (fearing a backlash) has nothing to do with them apart from the fact that he can testify in favor of the motion.

Gem Of The Day:

"One needs to have a perceptive eye to pick up gems from one s conversations" - Harsha, 1.17pm

Jargon Of The Day:

"Embellishment is half the fun" - Harsha, God-knows-when.

Jargon Psychology

Some people are born geniuses.

They can spout jargons as fluidly as Ms Irani can spout tears in Balaji Soaps. While we mere mortals have to rack our brains, and bloody hardly at that, some people seem to "unlock the value" of jargons very effortlessly. They do not seem to suffer from any kind of "speaker's block" while coming out with their gems.

Time and again, they make their "deliverables" tell. Indeed these "jargonizers" are so brilliant, give them a Big M problem and they'll solve it & cross check it with Simplex before you can say "What Ho !"

Such prodigies have a rare knack for making jargons "cascade and trickle and snowball". To put it simply they "synergize" the situation and the intent effortlessly and win accolades as a result. They are widely accepted as "resource mobilizers" and can "leverage competencies".

Such people occupy the pride of the place positions in the "Jargon Life Cycle".

No wonder such people are cash rich and belive in the "Cash is King" philosophy !

Apna Number kab aayega ?

Random Pearls

• "Creative Bankruptcy" (Award winning) - Sandeep
• 
  
• "Empty Store Syndrome" - Supriya
• 
  
• "Trickling into cascading into snowballing.." - Indira
• 
  
• "Internal Cannibalization" - (Award winning) - Supriya
• 
  
• "Reinforcement Checklist" - Sandeep

Gems of 26 Feb, 2009

• "International vs Multi-national" - Supriya, 10.24 am
• 
  
• "Quality Requires Time" - Sandeep, 11.15 am
• 
  
• "I Hate DELL" - Indira, 11.12 am
• 
  
• "Aspirational value" - Supriya, 3.57 pm
• 
  
• "Situational Innuendo" - Bhargav, 4.05 pm

And the Rolling Trophy goes to...

The glory may be short-lived due to the heavy competition for the most coveted award(s).
But the undisputed Jargon King and Jargon Queen awards (for the period July 2008 - Mar 2009) goes to